(Being) My Own Mistress

❤ Happy St. Valentine’s Day ❤

I was feeling a little low this morning, and didn’t know why… Then I realized it’s Valentine’s Day, and I immediately thought of him.

Bah. You know - ‘him’. The one who broke your heart. The man who made you wonder what you could’ve done differently, or made you question who you were.

Logically, I know no one controls another. Logically, in my (evidently) pea-sized brain, I know it wasn’t mean’t to be if he didn’t stay. So why then, am I still mourning a loss as if it was something more than it was (at least on his side).  I still tear up when I think of him, or listen to a song he played for me - and this morning, before I could stop myself - I wondered if he’d send flowers or a card.

Right. THAT’s gonna happen.

So when I logged in this morning, I was going to rant (the above doesn’t actually count, does it?) about all of this and really challenge you to set me straight. Surely I have to get over it SOME time…  

Then I thought… no. I am strong enough. I am wiser. I am human, and have faults, but I’m beautiful in my own right, and I deserve more. (Now I must repeat, repeat, repeat until I believe it)

Given that, instead of my rant, I thought I’d share a few excerpts from letters and conversations exchanged by poet Kahlil Gibran and his love, Mary Haskell… I hope you find yourself so lucky as to have someone in your lives that loves you this way.

—

The professors in the academy say, “Do not make the model more beautiful than she is,” and my soul whispers, “O if you could only paint the model as beautiful as she really is.”

(Extract from one of Gibran’s letters dated 8th November 1908)

I realized that all the trouble I ever had about you came from some smallness or fear in myself.

(Extract from Mary Haskell’s journal dated 12th June 1912)

Mary, what is there in a storm that moves me so ? Why am I so much better and stronger and more certain of life when a storm is passing ? I do not know, and yet I love a storm more, far more, than anything in nature.

(Extract from one of Gibran’s letters dated 14th August 1912)

His love is as restful as Nature itself. He has no standard for you to conform to, no choice about you, but is simply with your reality, just as Nature is. You are real, so is he: the two realities love each other - voila !

(Gibran’s words quoted from Mary Haskell’s journal dated 29th December 1912)

Sometimes you have not even begun to speak - and I am at the end of what you are saying.

(Gibran’s words quoted from Mary Haskell’s journal dated 28th July 1917

You have helped me in my work and in myself. And I have helped you in your work and in yourself. And I am grateful to heaven for this you-and-me.

(Gibran’s words quoted from Mary Haskell’s journal dated 12th March 1922)

Day ?. Awe Fuck it.

So… yep. I was going to be a good, dilligent tumblr-er and tell you all about my product testing, which included the juice-ish type diet seen in ‘Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.’ And round about day 3, I ran out of steam. I had a headache, no energy, and just wanted to stay in bed. That’s when I said - fuck it.

You guessed it, I stayed in that bed and considered never leaving again.

Then it was Day 4. Still lethargic as hell, I didn’t write you. And whilst I did manage to peel myself out of bed and I was a little better on my diet, I didn’t get all the food in - nor did I do all the things I thought I would; at least not consistently.

The thing of the diet is…there’s a lot of bloody food! No really. I thought I’d be hungry, but there is SO much food, I couldn’t eat it all. At first, I blamed the veggies for giving me a bloated belly - which made me not want to eat at all (I mean how sexy is that!). Then it seemed to lose it’s affect, and I still found it hard to have more than two meals, and a snack or two each day. You’re supposed to eat about six times!

After the weekend (where yes - of course I cheated and paid the price), I started again on Monday. Back at Day 1. This week, I’ve made it all the way through the week on the diet, and I feel pretty good. Good energy. No more headaches. Three pounds down.

For those of you interested in following this plan, here are a few tips:

• Spend a week doing prep work, like purging the house of bad stuff (food, wine, etc.,), and starting to cut down on the things you’re going to give up in advance (like coffee).
• Be prepared to have a couple of days where you just want to meld with your bed, and forgive yourself for being cranky.  Greta Garbo may have said it, but you will ’want to be alone.’  Save yourself and everyone around you, and just give in.
• Make your meals in advance, and even prep the food you aren’t ready to use, so it’s faster when you need it. And to that point, make sure you’ve got plenty of Tupperware!
• Don’t sweat the small stuff. I smoke. I like it. I don’t want to stop. I told myself this diet would be the end because I ‘should’ stop smoking. When I started two weeks ago, instead of stopping, I scaled way back - and I’m still smoking. I gave myself permission to break the rules and interestingly, I’ve found I really don’t want to smoke nearly as much as I did. So it’s still good. If you feel you want/need to break some of the rules up front - go for it. You might be surprised that you don’t want to break as many of them as you go along.
• Don’t touch that!  Look it’s going to be challenging to not give into that slice of cake at your friends birthday bash, or to go eat out with your family - so you may want to eat before you go, or even avoid events like that for a little while. After all, you’re not on this thing forever.  But buyer beware! If you give in to that cheesecake - you will pay the price. Your tummy has just gotten used to this all natural program, and if you throw something like pizza or a cheese platter into the mix, and you will regret it the next day. T-R-U-S-T ME.
• Don’t look back.  This falls under the TMI category so *apologies* but don’t be surprised if your visits to the bathroom become suddenly much more ‘colorful.’ Literally. Don’t worry, you’re not bleeding internally, it was the beet / radish / apple / strawberry concoction you juiced this morning. Just let it go, and move on.

None of these tips will be earth shattering, I realize, but…I thought if I shared them, you might have an easier time of it.

Oh, and last. Forgive yourself if you bite off more than you can chew.

I was going to test all these products at the same time as doing the juice diet, and I’ve been fairly inconsistant. I am going to try to test them all out still, and I plan to tell you about them, but in cycles; one at a time. The diet, and the impact its had on my energy and my time - has made me realize I may have been a wee bit ambitious. Regardless, I’ll still let you know how it goes. 

LMK if you have any questions about any of this, and I’ll get back to you with something soon.  No reason you should have to suffer through these trials and tribulations, when I’m already doing it. 

Cheers!

Day 2. Getting Better

This morning, after my mis-steps yesterday, I was determined to get everything ‘right,’ and - let’s just say it’s been challenging.

The juicing diet (“Reboot”) takes a few tries to get it right. To be clear, it’s really raw, lightly cooked, blended and sometimes juiced fruits and veggies - not strictly a juice diet. The general theme is more veggies than fruit, and alternate between the different preparation styles, with your true ‘juice’ meal being the 2-3 snacks you have between your main meals.

[Excuse me for a moment while I suck down some of my morning smoothie]

Another few things to keep in mind on this front:

• You need to prepare your fruits/veggies either after you shop, or the night before you’ll need them. It’s too daunting to do it all while your tummy grumbles.  I mean have you ever cut up a pineapple? Jaezus, that was a lot of work.
• You will, at least initially, wish you’d bought stock in Beano.
• Also at the beginning, you’ll feel like you’re drinking or eating something pretty much all day long, non-stop. If it isn’t a meal, it’s a snack, or several glasses of water. The blended drinks (what I call smoothies) are ‘hearty’ and each serving is about 24 oz.. Multiply that by 6 meals, and add in the morning and evening tea, and the extra water you’re to intake - and, you get the idea. You may want to invest in straws to move things along a bit faster…
• Be prepared to brush your teeth and tongue several times a day, and yes, keep floss or a toothpick handy; lots of our concoctions have seeds or pulp.
• The recipes are a good starting point, but make no mistake - you’ll want to change them a little as you figure out what you don’t like. And don’t make the mistake I did - when the recipe calls for 1 ginger root, don’t just shrug and throw it in the juicer… start with 1/2 of one; you’ll thank me later.

Now on to the various products I’m testing, or at least that I’m trying to test.

Tummy Tuck Belt? Pain in the arse. Thankfully it’s only with you for 10 minutes. I’m short (I like to think of myself as petite), and the core of my body is short too. Net result? The belt goes 3/4 the way down my bottom, but not in a nice ‘body shaper’ way. No. Envision an upside-down muffin top. Got it? Yeah. Sexy. I’m sure you tall boys and girls wouldn’t have that challenge, but if you’re a little shorter, just something to be aware of as you give this product a whirl.

The belt comes with creme you apply to the tummy before you wriggle into the belt (it’s a sight), and a DVD that helps you do the whopping 2-mins of ab exercise that is required. Then you, just keep it on for another 8-mins while the magic happens. I actually find the DVD helpful, as it makes me stop multi-tasking and actually concentrate on what I’m doing (novel idea). Which reminds me - must go put it on!

[Pause to drink more smoothie and start the Tummy Tuck]

On to the Contour Belt. This I don’t mind. I actually tried it yesterday for 2-rounds of 45 mins each; once on my lower, once on my upper abs. The only cumbersome thing is that while you can wear it under your clothes, you will look like your smuggling something, and if you’re a little bigger around the mid-drift, you might not have enough of the belt that Velcro’s around you, to keep it on. Also, don’t use it with lotion as it deteriorates the pads, which you’ll need to replace from time to time regardless.

Confessions.

I had 2 cigs, 2 glasses of wine, and didn’t do the rest of the items on my list yesterday.  This seemed so easy… I’ll do better today! Now excuse me while I go floss…

Day 1. Crap. I Forgot the Plan

One thing I always underestimate, is how much effort it is to change habits. I went to bed thinking through the day, and it seemed simple. Get up, shower, Tummy Tuck, Contour, NuSkin, tea, breakfast prep.  Yep. On a roll. P.O.C.

Except, I got up and barely awake, fell right back into the normal routine. I took the dog out, grabbed my tea, went on the balcony for a cig, and… then it hits me. Sh*t! I’ve already messed up.

So, now nearly 3 hours later, the only thing I’ve managed to do is stick the breakfast in the oven, and have another cup of tea. Wait. Did you read that right? Yes. I had to stick the breakfast in the oven… no juice; chopped up fruits and spices, in the oven for 45 mins.  That’s what the plan says on http://jointhereboot.com/.  

I’m a little at odds over this.  I mean why the hell did I buy a juicer? What was all that noise on the ‘documentary’ about his 60-day juice fast, and how he had to have a juicer and power source in his car as he travelled around the States? I checked the website, and even tweeted to Joe to ask about this, and nada. No response.

All I can guess, is that his program was ‘extreme’ and doctor monitored, so they thought maybe it might be wise to not post that particular juice diet - in case someone came along, didn’t have a happy ending, and sued him?  Well, I wish someone had responded - but, until then, we’re going to be eating fruits and vegis raw, lightly cooked, and juiced… okay. Not happy, but that may be the fact that I want a cig. and an expresso.

Now… off to try to cram all that other stuff into the last 45 mins before I head to class. Ciao for now.

Last Day to Binge

Starting tomorrow, I’m testing myself and the 500 products I have stuffed away into my closet. Actually, I’m going to test a handful of products I’ve bought off the TV and theories I’ve read about, and let you know my thoughts along the way.  Wish me luck and check back to keep me honest and see how I’m doing.

I’m definitely going to need some of your encouragement.

So here’s the breakdown of products:

• Face: NuSkins ageLOC Galvanic Spa.  Here’s what it says:  Smooth the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, rejuvenate your complexion, revitalize your scalp, and renovate your body with the patented ageLOC Galvanic Spa System II. This new System features a larger, brighter display, intuitive usability, and enhanced ergonomics. Results are so remarkable, your radiant, youthful face and body will leave people wondering about your age and your secret. [Just using this on my face]
• Tummy Fat: Tummy Tuck Belt. This one looks too good to be true, and yet… we’ll see. Here’s what it says:  The unique Tummy Tuck 10 minute method ignites a fat burning chain reaction, like flipping a switch that sets off a domino effect melting fat away from your belly long after you’ve taken off the belt. [I’ll be using it with exercise and a diet]
• Abs:  The Contour Belt.  This says: Simply put on the Contour CoreBelt, push the button and you’re on your way to toned abs. 
• Cellulite:  Compression pants. I can’t find the link to share (but will keep looking), but they’re essentially lined commpression pants, you can wear overnight or during the day - 8 hours at a time recommended, and in a relatively short time period, et voila - no cellulite. We’ll see. I’ve worked hard for my cellulite, could it really go away that easily?
• Rough, dry skin on my hands and feet. Night-time gloves and socks, with heavy moisturizer is the key here, and any brand will do.
• Toning. MBT Sports Sneakers are said to help me roll-walk to a toner butt, and legs.  I’m just not sure my lower back can handle it.  The version I have are like this, from the bliss website.
• Overall fitness.  Beachbody’s 10-minute trainer DVD’s. You spend just 10 minutes a day with a DVD and you amp up your fitness as if you’d spent an hour at the gym.  This one will be challenging, because I broke my foot this summer and it’s still sore — and because I know myself — I know I will be swearing at the TV the whole time.  Wish me luck. =)
• Juicing Diet. Yes, I did it - not even internet infomercials are safe from my prying eyes. I watched the viral ‘documentary’ called Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, and I immediately dove in. I’ve got the juicer, and an extraordinary number of fruits and veggies…and I’ve cruised the website.  This one makes me nervous. I like my wine, my cigs, my food, and my coffee — so, fair warning. I may be a wee bit snarky in the coming days.

The above represents about… 2 years of random infomercial shopping, and likely… $1,500 USD I could really use right now.  Rather than donate it to a local charity as I have in the past, I’m going to commit to using them all for 30-days, and I’ll tell you every bit of my experience here.

In case you can’t tell, I’m an instant gratification gal; just about all of these products claim to do something for me, without me doing all that much.  In theory, that should make it easy, right?  Riiigghhhhttt…  

So here’s the deal:

Start Date: Monday, January 30, 2012

Goals: Weight loss, improved health, more energy, toned muscles and skin, and a younger look and attitude.

I’ll check back with you in the morning. I hope to hear from you and hope you’ll send me your thoughts and advice should I start giving up.  Deal?

Now excuse me.. I’ve only got a few hours left to smoke a pack of cigs, have a bottle of wine, and clear out all the cheese and crackers in my cabinet…  Cheers!

—-

Please note: I don’t have any chronic illness, and am relatively healthy. I’ve been to the doctor recently and while they didn’t endorse this plan of mine, I wouldn’t recommend anyone do it themselves, unless they are prepared to take responsibility for the results. As for me, with 60 lbs and a few bad habits to lose, I’m okay with it.  For you, get checked out before you try any of these things, just in case… Please.

vnbebe asked: you can alternate using the product each day, but for p90x i think its best to do it the full 30 days. =) Doing each product for 30 days seems very legit too! up to you if you get bored of doing the same work-outs everyday for 30 days x)

Yeah. I think for the first 30 days, I’ll skip the px90 and focus on: TummyTuck, Contour Belt (I know that’s double-dipping, but who doesn’t want a flat tummy), the Juicer Diet, the nuskin treatments, and the 10-minute a day exercise program (there are 5 in the set, so you don’t repeat the workouts every day).  Let’s see how I do! =) Keep me honest!